


Don't You Dare

by Somekindofflower



Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: Accidental Confession of Love, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 12:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19946443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somekindofflower/pseuds/Somekindofflower
Summary: Abby finds out that Luka plans to head back to Africa and goes to tell him exactly what she thinks about that plan. AU sometime in early-ish season 10.





	Don't You Dare

**Author's Note:**

> This was the result of a quick speed-writing exercise, so less edited than usual, but I hope you enjoy!

Abby blew out an exhausted breath as she made her way to the ER. Surgery was exciting, and Corday was the best, but the ER was home. If she could quit taking nursing shifts down there, she’d miss it even more than she already did.

It was unusually sparse, so the day shift must have been able to clear the board. Admit was empty, so the residents and docs must have been hiding to do charts or go on coffee runs.

“Where is everybody, Jerry?”

“Lewis and Kovac already took off, Pratt’s running late. We’ve got a moonlighter here for the night shift.” He grimaced at that.

“Have fun with that. At least it’s not Romano.”

He huffed in agreement, typing on the computer. Abby took a peek. “Doing some online shopping?”

“Kovac asked me to do some comparison shopping to help him price some things he’s looking to sell.”

Huh. That was weird. She peeked at the list, smiling at the look of Luka’s slanted handwriting. The smile quickly fell when she realized it was a list of basically everything he owned.

Before she could ask, Jerry jumped in. “How are you doing with that?”

“With what?”

“With Kovac heading back to Africa after, well, you know.”

The world seemed to tip on its axis as an explosion went off in her brain. Was that what an aneurysm felt like? She shook her head and found her hand was gripping the counter tightly.

“He what?”

Jerry’s fingers finally paused on the keyboard as he turned to look at her.

“You didn’t know? He gave Weaver two months’ notice before he takes off again. I figured he would have told you. Especially with the whole Carter thing.”

The annoyance that flooded through her at that was a blessing as it enabled her to move again. “Carter and I were practically already broken up before he left. When you and Frank are in your gossip huddle, make sure you pass it along that I couldn’t care less what Carter does.”

She whipped around the counter and ignored Jerry calling after her. “And about Kovac?”

As she headed into the ambulance bay, she gritted the answer out between her teeth, not for Jerry’s ears. “Like hell is he leaving again.”

* * *

Anger and indignation helped Abby make the trip to the El and to Luka’s apartment from the nearest stop in record time. She took the elevator up and rapped hard on the door. Only then did she have her first second thought. Maybe she should have waited, it wasn’t like he was leaving the next day. Maybe she should do this once she was calm, once she could avoid saying more than she should, at least for the time being.

Maybe he wouldn’t care that she couldn’t stand him leaving again, and he’d go anyway.

The door opened and he grinned in surprise at seeing her, and her heart leapt in response.

“Abby, hey! What are you doing here? Come in.”

She walked past him as he held the door open, heart aching as she resisted touching him.

“Do you want something to eat? I’ve got some leftover Chinese and I think there’s a slice or two of pizza in the refrigerator.”

“No, I’m not hungry.” She spit the words out before realizing they weren’t exactly true, but she didn’t care about food. “I can’t eat right now.”

Luka turned concerned eyes on her. “Are you okay? I’ve been meaning to check on you, Romano’s been giving you such a hard time. Don’t listen to him, okay? You’re doing a great job. Corday says so, plus I’ve seen it for myself. He’s jealous that you might get to do surgery and he can’t.”

A lump rose in her throat. Luka was always looking out for her, always encouraging her. As much as she tried not to need that, she did. But he was _leaving_.

“Romano’s a dick, I don’t care about him. Are you really going back to the Congo?”

He blinked at her change in subject and looked so surprised that it pissed her off.

“Yeah, in a couple months.”

“You’re just leaving again. Going right back to where you almost died.” Ugh, she was shaking now. And he was standing there, dumbstruck. He could be so thick sometimes.

“I have a clean bill of health. In two months, I’ll be in even better shape. And I liked it over there, having a—having a purpose.”

“You aren’t coming back this time, are you?”

He looked away. “Probably not.”

It felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach. Two months, that was it? She’d been counting on so much more time with him, time to get their friendship back on track, time for her to get through med school, and then plenty of time to figure things out between them, if he still wanted that. Apparently, he not only didn’t want that, he wanted to be on the other side of the world from her. Panic coursed through her, and anger at herself, at him, at everything for keeping them apart.

“Luka, you nearly died. Everyone who cares about you thought you were dead. Do you not care about that? Is that nothing to you? You’re just here to recuperate and then what, get back to your real life?”

Her mind flashed back to those horrible days, finding out the news and trying to get Carter to stay so she wouldn’t lose every important person in her life. The horrible dawning of the realization that she loved Luka. Not as a friend, like she’d tried to claim for so long, but as the one person in the world she couldn’t do without. The days she’d begged God to make it not true, because she didn’t know a way forward, not in a world where Luka wasn’t.

And it _happened._

The impossible, wonderful thing that she wanted—no, _needed_ —to happen HAD. It’s why she went back to med school: good things could actually happen. Even to her.

But now he was leaving. She couldn’t do it again.

“I didn’t think you’d be so upset.”

“How could you think that? We thought you were dead! And you almost were!”

“I mean…you didn’t seem to mind too terribly the first time I left, and you seem to be okay with Carter being over there. I thought maybe you over your fear of it or whatever.” He hesitated before continuing. “Is that what this is about? Carter staying over there without telling you? Because I was going to tell you, I just didn’t get a chance yet.”

“Why does everybody think I’m all hung up on Carter? I thought we broke up the _first_ time he tried to leave without telling me.”

Luka stood there, awkward as ever, shifting from foot to foot.

“I don’t know, I thought you were saying you were fine even though you weren’t. And now you’re here and so upset, I can’t help but think—well, I’m here, so maybe it’s easier to be upset at me than at him.”

The frustration, hurt, anger, and those pesky, ever-present abandonment issues churned inside her and the words started pouring out before she even knew what she was saying.

“The only reason I’m upset about Carter is being treated like crap by someone who I thought was at least a friend. But I can’t even be mad at him, because if he hadn’t left, he’d never have found you and that’s nothing compared to him leaving.” She stopped to catch her breath before barreling on. “I know this last year was hard, and you felt alone, but you aren’t. You have a purpose here, you have people who care about you here, and I just…I thought you were dead, Luka! To me you _were_ dead, for days and I can’t…you’re going to go back there, and maybe you’ll die for real this time?”

“I’m sorry about that, Abby, I am, but I was okay. I’ll be more careful this time, I’ll stay in the main camp, I’ll take my meds—“

Wait, _what?_ “You weren’t taking your meds?”

He sighed and ran his hand over his face. “There were patients who needed them more.”

She stared at him long and hard, as he refused to meet her gaze. Seriously?

“You can feel however you feel, Abby. If you’re upset at Carter, that’s okay, even if he did save my life. I just don’t get why you’re more upset about me than—“

“Because I’m not in love with Carter!”

The words rang in the silence, and Abby felt her whole body flush hot as she heard them. She hadn’t dared to say them—well, what the words clearly implied—to herself, much less anyone else, she didn’t think. Though, who knew what she said during those days he was dead, when she couldn’t leave County and Chuny, Susan, and Kerry took turns trying to bring her out of the fog of grief.

Abby could have been taken it back. She ought to have. She was a med student and he was an attending, and that didn’t even account for Gillian and whatever they were. But they were the truest words she’d said in a long time, and she couldn’t lie, not about this, not to Luka. She wouldn’t.

So instead she stammered. “I didn’t mean—I didn’t mean to say that.”

The understanding broke across his face and she looked away in embarrassment. Of course, that’s the moment he would choose to understand. He was frozen for a minute, and she could feel his eyes boring into her as she stared resolutely at the floor. Then, slowly and deliberately, he started to move toward her, and her heart pounded, caught between fear and hope.

Luka’s hand cupped her cheek and tipped her face up, his thumb swiping at tears she hadn’t realized were falling. She risked a peek at his face, and the tender amazement that she found broke the wall holding back her emotions. A sob choked her and then she was in Luka’s arms.

The last time he’d held her like this was almost the final time.

She clung to him the way she had wanted to that day, the way she’d wanted to the second he rolled through the ER doors on that gurney. His heart was beating double time against her cheek— _beating,_ not silent—and he was solid and warm and _there_ as he held her together.

After some minutes, her sobs slowed and she started to regain control.

“Okay,” he said in her ear, his voice low and rough. “I’ll stay.”

“Are you sure,” she whispered back hoarsely, sniffing before looking up at him to find his own eyes wet.

“I’m sure.”

Abby thrilled at the feel of his fingers running through her hair before he cleared his throat and pulled away.

“So, pizza or Chinese?”

“I didn’t say I was staying to eat.”

“I figure if I’m staying in the country, you can stay until I get some food in you. Preferably some protein.”

Luka grinned the slow grin that she was pretty sure had gotten him his way every time he’d ever used it, and she couldn’t help but grin back and shrug.

“I guess it better be Chinese, then.”

They chatted as she ate slowly, over safer topics like the best way to murder Romano and dispose of his body, and their coworkers’ love lives. Hey, if Frank and Jerry could post Carter’s letter to her on the freaking bulletin board, she could talk to Luka about catching Susan and Chuck in the handicapped bathroom and Corday’s fling with the hot new surgeon.

Every now and then, Abby would look up suddenly to catch Luka watching her intently. She was going to become a permanent walking blush if he kept it up.

When they couldn’t stretch out the evening any longer, not with both of them yawning and scheduled for the next day, she reluctantly made her way to the door. Luka followed.

“Abby, I know we can’t finish our conversation right now, not while you’re in med school, but I want you to know that I—I feel the same way.”

She sort of knew that, but hearing him say it while he was staring at her with love in his eyes made her tremble. When she decided to kiss him for it, she didn’t hold back. Even though she did keep it short and sweet, they still ended up swaying with the force of their connection, foreheads pressed together, both wanting more but desperately trying to avoid going too far.

“You do?”

“Yeah,” he answered, staring at her lips as he licked his own before shaking himself. “I’m not in love with Carter, either.”

“Shut up.” She couldn’t help but laugh as he did, even as she shoved his chest. At least he’d broken the tension, though he then brought it back as he slid his hand against the small of her back to usher her out of his apartment.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Luka.”

That bastard had the audacity to wink at her, and combined with the brightness of his smile, it almost made her cave and head right back inside. But the door shut between them and stopped her just in time.

Graduation wasn’t until May, and right then it sounded a million years away. It would be a certain kind of torture to hold back, to not say or _do_ anything more until then.

What a perfectly wonderful problem to have.


End file.
